On the dark GT Highway,
Foul wind in the air,
Warm smell of a cow's ass,
rising up through the air,
Up ahead in the distance,
I see a shimmering light.
My heart was heavy and my head was dim,
So I just stopped for a bite.

There she stood in the hallway,
I heard the L7 bell,
And I was thinking to myself,
This could be heaven but it sure is hell,
Then she picked up the bundle and she showed me the way,
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to IIT Kalyanpur-yaar,
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at IIT Kalyanpur-yaar,
Any time of year, you can find it here

Her mind is totally twisted, she blows my mind when she bends,
She got a lot of hurting muggu boys, reeling from the mid-sems,
How they prance in the Hall quad 'n' reek of summer sweat,
Some smoke to remember, some booze to forget.

So I called up the warden, said "Look I'm in pain",
He said, we haven't had a doctor here since 1969,
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night just to hear them say,

Welcome to the Hostel Kalyanpur-yaar,
Such a lowly place
A bit out of phase
There's a quiz in Physics 202 yaar,
What a nice surprise, bring your cog sheets guys

Cockroaches on the ceiling
Combs're full of lice
We are'nt so fussy here, bath a month will suffice
And in the Hall 2 Canteen
They ordered up a feast
Paid with all collected change
One whole rupee at least!

Last thing I remember, I was
running from Kanpur,
I had to find the last train back
To the place I was before,
Relax, said the watchman,
We are programmed to receive,
You can pass-out any time you like,
But you can never leave.

(With input from the IIT/K gang especially Mad and Raman)